would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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