i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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