Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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