A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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