I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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