Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
