so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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