did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
