and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
