As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.