OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich