my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize