This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers