i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.