Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo