A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
