life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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