I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
