So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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