omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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