We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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