Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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