I love black thongs
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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