You can't special order awesome
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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