Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize