I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
