anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
