Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
