She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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