this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
