My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
