You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
