I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
