I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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