I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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