i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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