respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
