I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
