i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
