This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
