I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
