Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Even my vagina gasped.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
