I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
