Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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