wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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