i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
