They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
