my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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