Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
