sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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