Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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