We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want her autograph on my taint
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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