Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
