I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
