He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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