You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
