i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
