ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
