New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
