Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
