She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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