ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
