Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
