his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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