The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
