It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
