So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
