The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
