I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
