South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
