Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
