a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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