He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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