That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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