Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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