Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
