once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
